Extreme Closeup
by Ronda Sexton
Summary: A coda for Extreme Risk


Extreme Close Up: Part 1: Admissions  
  
Disclaimer: Voyager, it's characters, and Extreme Risk  
belong to Paramount. This story belongs to me.  
  
Thanks to Danger Mom and Marleena for suggestion the  
titles I'm using for parts one and two.  
  
Comments are welcome.  
  
B'Elanna sat the plate in the replicator and pressed the  
recycle button. The banana pancakes had tasted so good.  
She was feeling a little better, but she knew what she had to  
do, she had to tell Tom what she had been doing as well.  
  
Chakotay had forced the issue out in the open. She had  
admitted her problem to him. Now she had to tell Tom  
why she'd been acting so out of character.  
  
She left the mess hall, the warm cozy feeling from the  
banana pancakes still lingering deep in her soul. She  
walked to the turbolift and requested deck four.  
  
Strolling down the empty corridor, she wondered how  
much Tom knew. It was safe to assume the Captain had  
talked to both of them. Fear began to rear its ugly head.  
Would her actions of the past few weeks cause him to  
reject her now? She shook her head and reminded herself  
of the tender concern Tom had shown her when she  
brought the report to his quarters earlier that week.  
  
It had been so hard to look into those soulful, searching  
blue eyes and not tell him what was wrong. A part of her  
had warred with herself on whether or not she should tell  
him. Now, she would tell him. She suspected he knew the  
cause of her distress. Talking with Chakotay had helped,  
so maybe talking with Tom would too. The hug and kiss  
they'd shared after the Delta Flyer had docked awakened  
feelings in her soul that had been cold for far too long.  
  
She pressed the chime on his door. It was late, but she  
knew he would not turn her away. The door slid open, and  
she saw Tom sitting on the couch in his robe, reading a  
report from a PADD.  
  
"B'Elanna, come in," Tom's face lit up as she walked in  
and allowed the door to slide shut behind her. He stood up  
and walked over to her. Her expression slowly changed  
from a peaceful one to a nervous and slightly troubled one.  
  
"I need to talk to you." she whispered softly. "I need to let  
you know what's been going on, what I've been hiding."  
She looked down at the floor, unable to face him.  
  
He drew her close in his arms. "Oh, B'Elanna," he hugged  
her tightly. "I'm here for you." He led her over the couch  
and they sat down. She snuggled against him. Sensing she  
wanted to be held, he tightened his arms around her pulling  
her closer.  
  
Laying her head on his shoulder, she began speaking softly.  
  
"After Chakotay told me all of our friends in the Maquis  
were dead, I found myself growing number and number. I  
couldn't feel anything. That's why I was running all those  
dangerous programs." She looked up at him, her face a  
mask of uncertainty. I wanted to feel something so badly  
that it seemed to make sense to me that if I felt pain that it  
was okay, because at least I could feel something." Her  
eyes plead with him to understand. "I wanted to be able  
to feel so badly, even pain was better than the.....the  
nothingness. I just wanted to feel anything so I would  
know I was alive."  
  
He pulled her closer. "I understand, B'Elanna, I've been  
down that road before myself." He gazed into her soft  
brown eyes that were suspiciously moist.  
  
She buried her face in his chest, feeling the warmth and  
security of being nestled in his strong, muscular arms once  
more.  
  
"It feels so good just to be held by you, Tom," she  
whispered softly. It was so wonderful to just be able to feel  
again. Tom's scent was comforting. It was a familiar and  
beloved scent she knew so well. It bespoke of love and  
warmth. Just as his comforting embrace did.  
  
"I'll hold you for as long as you want me to, B'Elanna," he  
murmured softly, gently stroking her hair. He was so  
relieved and happy that she was finally coming out of the  
depression enough to talk to others. He had agreed that it  
had to be Chakotay who confronted her, since it harkened  
back to the loss of her Maquis comrades. He had been her  
commander in the Maquis and understood her pain.  
  
She sighed deeply, snuggling even closer to Tom. She  
knew in her heart that this was where she truly belonged.  
"I want you to hold me all night," she whispered ever so  
softly.  
  
Tom tightened his arms around her. "I'll be here," he  
assured her.  
  
She gazed up at him, and he noticed the deep fatigue in her  
eyes. He knew she be be falling asleep before too long.  
The stress of the emotionally charged confrontation with  
Chakotay as well as the arduous mission to retrieve  
Voyager's trapped probe had drained her.  
  
He cupped her face gently in his hands. "Why don't you  
get ready for bed. You're exhausted and need to sleep. I'll  
hold you all night. I promise." He kissed her tenderly.  
  
He saw brief hesitation in her eyes. "If you still need to  
talk, we can talk more in bed. You'll be more comfortable  
there."  
  
She nodded slowly. "I'll change into a gown." Pulling  
reluctantly out of his arms, she walked over to his dresser,  
pulled a drawer open, and selected one of the satin gowns  
he'd given her. This one was the same shade of blue as his  
eyses. He had given her seveal satin gowns over the course  
of their relationship. Some she kept her in her quarters,  
others here in Tom's quarters, so she would have one no  
matter where they spent the night. When their shifts made  
spending the night together impossible, she often wore one  
to remind herself of him, of his love for her.  
  
By the time she came out of the bathroom, Tom had turned  
down the covers, and was laying on his side of the bed.  
She walked over and slid under the covers and into his  
welcoming arms. He pulled her close, craddling her  
against him.  
  
"Tom, why did they have to die?" she asked in a trembling  
voice.  
  
"B'Elanna, I wish I had an answer for you. In one of my  
command classes the instructor told us there were two rules  
of warfare that were always consistent. He said, 'Rule  
number one is people die. Rule number two is you cannot  
change rule number one.' They're deplorable rules, but  
they are so true. I'm really sorry you lost your friends,  
B'Elanna. I know they were like a family to you."" He  
gazed intently at her watery eyes. "We're your family here  
too. We'll be for you. I'll be here for you. I love you so  
much. I'll do anything I can to help you heal."  
  
B'Elanna began trembling as tears slid down her face.  
Tom held her close and soothed her as she cried. He said  
very little, only making soothing noises as he gently held  
her and rocked her in his strong, protective arms.  
  
When her tears had finally abated, he gently wiped the tears  
off her cheeks and asked, "Are you okay now, B'Elanna?"  
His concern for her was flooding her soul with warmth and  
hope.  
  
"I feel a little better." Her voice held a note of confusion  
as if she did not understand why she felt so much better  
after she had shed a torrent of tears.  
  
"I've found that crying often makes me feel better. It helps  
release the pain and tension you have built up inside you,"  
explained Tom. "It doesn't mean you're weak," he assured  
her.  
  
She sighed sleepily and cuddled her face against his chest.  
She felt so safe and secure in his arms.  
  
Tom watched as her eyes drifted closed. In a matter of  
minutes, sleep had completely claimed her. As he watched  
her sleeping in his arms, his mind wandered back to the  
first time that he had helped her.................................  
  
  
  
  
Extreme Close Up Part Two: Looking Back  
  
  
It had been while they were both in the Maquis. They had  
been deep in the badlands in the Terikoff Belt. Here in the  
midst of swirling plasma storms the crew had found a small  
group of planetoids. One Class M planetoid was selected  
as a place to build a base camp. The natural beauty of the  
planet would make it a peaceful place to use as a retreat.  
  
During a break, Tom and B'Elanna had gone swimming.  
She had been underwater for quite some time when he saw  
boulders fall. When she didn't resurface, he had rescued  
her and helped her to the shore.......................  
  
Shortly after that incident, he had been captured on a  
mission for the Maquis. During the time he was  
incarcerated in the penal colony he thought of her and  
prayed that she was all right.  
  
Their next meeting had been when they were escaping the  
Ocampan world. She had been covered with horrendous  
growths. His new found friend, Harry, was in equally bad  
condition. Fortunately, mused Tom, the EMH had been  
able to heal them both. He had never imagined at the time  
that they were about to become stranded in the Delta  
Quadrant.  
  
Sighing, he stared down at B'Elanna who was sleeping  
peacefully in his arms. They had both come a long way  
from that fateful day the Captain had destroyed the  
Caretaker's array. From fellow crewmembers, to friends,  
to lovers. More and more memories of their journey flowed  
through his mind.  
  
The first time she was in Sandrines on the holodeck, she  
had declared him a pig. This was right after one of the  
holographic pool sharks he'd programmed had hit on her.  
That had troubled him, because he had wanted her to like  
him. He had so few friends among the crew at that time,  
and something about her drew him to her.  
  
As time passed, they worked together as members of the  
Senior Staff. They got along reasonably well. Then, they  
were captured by the Vidiians. Those bastards had split  
B'Elanna into two separate people. One wholly human, the  
other wholly Klingon. He had seen her human half in the  
barracks. It was the vulnerable side of her he'd always  
sensed existed somewhere just below the surface of her  
turbulent personality. By this time, he'd already fallen  
hopelessly in love with her. He had done everything in his  
power to help and protect her. He felt her pain as she  
watched her Klingon self die before her eyes. He visited  
her in sickbay over the course of the days it had taken Doc  
to reintegrate her Klingon DNA back into her physiology.  
She accepted his comfort, as she had down in the Vidiian  
prison. The experience had strengthened the bonds of their  
friendship.  
  
Tom smiled as he recalled how their working relationship  
had improved afterwards. He had even begun to hope at  
that point that maybe one day she would return his love for  
her.  
  
He fought back laughter as he recalled the distortion ring.  
He did not want his laughter to awaken her. She needed  
this peaceful sleep. The distortion ring had been anything  
but a laughing matter at the time. However, in retrospect,  
the funnier parts, such as the crewman's quarters suddenly  
be moved to where opening a door in engineering had  
displayed him in his shorts. It had been troubling at the  
time that she had sought out Chakotay instead of himself.  
He now realised though, it was spiritual guidance she'd  
sought from Chakotay as he was trying to contact his spirit  
guide. He now realized, perhaps she had sought to contact  
her spirit guide as well.  
  
The next memory to surface in his mind as he watched her  
sleeping was that of the Pralor Automated Personal Units.  
They had found one. When its ship had been located, Unit  
6263, whose life she'd saved kidnapped her. In order to  
save Voyager, she had to build other robots. When they  
tried to rescue her the Pralor vessel fired upon them.  
However, when the Cravic ship attacked the Pralor vessel,  
he had managed to fly a shuttle in close enough to save her.  
  
Tom smiled at the memory. So many times, he'd managed  
to pull off the most dangerous missions and still beat the  
odds by making it back alive. He had put his life on the  
line for others so often, that the crew's attitude had  
changed towards him. He was no longer the rejected  
troubled, outcast, but regarded as one of Voyager's most  
trustworthy officers.  
  
One of the most conflicted memories was that of his ill  
fated Warp 10 flight. Harry and B'Elanna had worked with  
him to try to find a way in which to break the transwarp  
barrier. Once they had succeeded in the simulations, he  
had made the first test flight. After he had returned to  
Voyager, B'Elanna had rushed into Sickbay bursting with  
enthusiasm, telling him it had been a success. Her glowing  
face had meant as much as the flight had. They had truly  
become friends by this time. The changes that occurred in  
him afterwards had not been pleasant. He had vague  
memories of B'Elanna with him in the mess hall after he'd  
collapsed. Later Harry had told him how B'Elanna had  
cried and cried in the shuttle after he had *died.*  
  
Tom grinned. As one person of the 20th Century had been  
known to comment, reports of his death had been greatly  
exaggerated. However, what he had changed into was so  
far from who Tom Paris had been.........he closed his eyes,  
willing himself to bury the memory away again.  
  
Slowly another memory surfaced. Another somewhat  
painful one. The Captain and Tuvok wanted him to go  
undercover. He was to play the role of a malcontent. Tom  
had hated having to do this. All the hard won respect he  
had earned had flown right out the nacelles. People began  
talking about him. As he worked with B'Elanna to find a  
way to stop the Dreadnaught torpedo, she had questioned  
him about his behavior. It had pained him deeply to have  
to lie to her. He saw the care and concern in her eyes, but  
he could not forsake his mission, Captain Janeway was  
counting on him. Someone on Voyager was relaying  
information to Seska and the Kazon. It put them all in  
extreme danger. Knowing that he probably would not  
survive this mission, it made it even harder to keep the  
truth from her. The most painful moment was leaving  
Voyager. Only Kes, Neelix, and Harry were there to see  
him off. He had left the ship that day, knowing he might  
never see his friends again.  
  
Tom shook his head, as he recalled the mission. Somehow,  
he had managed to beat death again. His apology to the  
crew had been met with open arms. At his Welcome Back  
party that Neelix had insisted on throwing, everyone was  
quick to let him know that all was forgiven. B'Elanna  
spoke with him and apologized for not seeing him off. She  
admitted it had been cowardice on her part, fearing she  
would break down and cry.  
  
Their next reunion, after yet another one of his brushes  
with death, had occurred after he'd rescued he crew from  
the planet the Kazon had stranded them on. She had told  
him then, that he had to be the luckiest person in the  
universe, because he always managed to survive.  
  
Gazing at B'Elanna, the woman he loved with all his heart  
and soul, he knew he was the luckiest person in the  
universe, not because he'd survived so many life  
threatening missions, but because she loved him.  
  
His thoughts drifted to the first time he had asked her to  
join him on the holodeck. It had been just prior to the  
attack on their shuttle by the Swarm. She had turned him  
down. His heart had sank when she said she'd rather take  
her chances with Freddie Bristow.  
  
Despite her turning him down at that point, their friendship  
had continued on a fairly even keel. Then Neelix announced  
plans for a luau. He had hoped to spend time with her at  
the luau. These plans were disrupted by Vorik, who had  
taken the liberty of reserving a table near a view B'Elanna  
liked.  
  
A dark expression flitted across his face as he recalled the  
trouble Vorik had later caused them. He had decided  
B'Elanna would be the right mate for him. B'Elanna  
declined his offer. Vorik had tried to force a bond with her  
anyway. She hadn't mentioned it at the time. As they had  
prepared to leave for their mission to mine galactic, he had  
noticed her personality was a little more Klingon than  
usual. He had attributed it to her enthusiasm for the  
mission. However, when she bit him on the cheek, he  
knew something was drastically wrong. Vorik's attempt at  
bonding had caused her to have Pon Farr. Rejecting her  
repeated advances was the only thing he could do. There  
was no way he would take advantage of her in that  
condition. Then, when getting her back to Voyager no  
longer became an option due to communications being out,  
Tuvok had told him he had to *help* her or she would die.  
There were no options left. He had gone to her, she  
proceeded to lead him to a secluded area, and just as they  
were starting, Vorik had ripped him away from her. When  
Vorik had declared his intentions to fight for B'Elanna, he  
had been ready to rip that Vulcan bastard apart with his  
bare hands. To his surprise, B'Elanna took Vorik's  
challenge herself. Tom had watched with concern as she  
fought with Vorik. Finally, after she had struck Vorik  
down, she staggered over to Tom and collapsed into his arms.  
Tom had held her and soothed her until they were safe on Voyager.  
  
  
Tom shook his head as he recalled the days that they had  
avoided each other. Eventually, they ended up on the same  
lift. He stopped the lift and tried to talk to her about what  
had happened. When he saw that she was not ready, he  
dropped the issue. Much to his surprise, as he'd exited the  
lift she'd told him to be careful what he wished for.  
  
They had become a little more friendly after that. Then the  
Doctor had augmented his program to enhance his  
personality. Instead of enhancing it, he developed an evil  
twisted personality, who had paralyzed B'Elanna. It had  
been devastating for Tom to see her in that condition.  
Never had he been so relieved for his medic training with  
the Doctor.  
  
Another memory surfaced. A memory of finding her  
reading a Klingon romance. He had taken it away from  
her, telling her maybe it would give him ideas on how to  
make her heart quicken. She in turn had told him she  
couldn't promise she wouldn't put a dagger in his throat.  
That was also another time he'd almost died. He soberly  
recalled the lecture the Doctor had given him, and how  
he'd discovered that the Doctor's daughter was going to  
die. That was one time he did not get perturbed with Do  
for his usual lecture.  
  
He was enjoying this trip down memory lane. He glanced  
at the chronometer and saw it was still too early to go to  
sleep. B'Elanna was so exhausted from the rigors of her  
day, that he doubted she'd wake until the morning. He  
gently brushed a strand of hair out of her face. Her cheek  
felt so good nestled against his chest. It had been so long  
since they had true intimacy. He would stay here with her  
and hold her. The report he had been reading was a routine  
one. Since they would both be off duty tomorrow he'd read  
it then. He allowed his mind to drift back down memory  
lane.  
  
The lost bet, now there was a good one. He had managed  
to get B'Elanna to bet with him about a repair. He had  
turned out to be right, and she would have to do a Klingon  
program on the holodeck with him. It had not worked out  
as well as he had hoped it would. She was not happy with  
him. He had even accused her of being hostile. The  
evening had not gone as he had hoped. Then, in the midst  
of their argument, an alien appeared. He was an elderly  
man, and he was extremely frightened.  
  
Tom frowned. It had seemed so innocent at first when the  
aliens started to appear, then it became too frequent to be  
anything but deliberate. Finally, all the Voyager crew had  
been placed in the habitat ship. As B'Elanna tried to rig  
Dock's holoemitter to allow him to find portals, he had  
come per the Captain's request, to check on her progress.  
As they tried to apologize to the each other, Doc had put his  
two strips worth in, and before he knew what happened,  
they were snapping at each other again. Shortly thereafter,  
as they entered the portal of the ship, they were sent to  
explore one section and they had  
become trapped in the ice world of the habitat ship. In that  
place, they had depended solely on each other to survive  
until the Captain managed to translocate them back to their  
habitat. They had made quite a sight. Standing there in  
each others arms. At the same time, the Captain had begun  
translocating the Nyrians into the ice world habitat. Surrender  
quickly became the Nyrians only option. Later on, while  
they relaxed on the resort, they managed to set things right  
between the two of them.  
  
Shortly after that, mused Tom to himself, he had yet again  
cheated death. This time B'Elanna and the Captain had  
fought against time and a vengeful holographic Seska to  
save him as well as Tuvok. Finally, Tuvok pulled off the  
saving trick by arranging a phase rifle malfunction prior to  
giving it back to Seska. B'Elanna had checked on him later  
that evening to make sure he was all right. They had spent  
the evening working on an outline for a detective story as  
she had suggested over dinner.  
  
Then, came the day they had all been dreading. They had  
entered Bog space. There they met species 8472. It had  
been a trying time for all of them. Then when they'd  
finally rotten 8472 to go back to where they belonged, they  
lost Keeps. However, as a final gift to them, she had  
somehow flung them beyond the reaches of *Bog Space.*  
  
In the relative calm that had followed, B'Elanna had asked  
him to help her design a program for the Klingon Day of  
Honor. Together they had built a very realistic program.  
However, when he asked her how it went, they ended up in  
yet another fight. Then, they were assigned to work  
together with the de-borgized drone Seven of Nine to try to  
open a transwarp conduit. At the same time, the Caatati had  
contacted Voyager for help. Since their world had been  
destroyed by the Borg, B'Elanna was even more annoyed at  
having to work with Seven.  
  
Tom recalled how the transwarp conduit experiment had  
turned into a dismal failure. They had ended up ejecting  
the core. He and B'Elanna were still at odds with each  
other. In spite of that, the Captain had sent them to go  
retrieve the core in a shuttle. The anger and tension  
between them seemed to melt away as they worked  
together to find the core. They weren't the first ones to  
find it. The Caatati were trying to retrieve it as well. In their  
efforts to stop them, the shuttle was destroyed. They'd  
barely had time to beam out in environmental suits before  
it blew up. There in drifting in space with their oxygen  
slowly running out, B'Elanna had startled him by declaring  
her love for him. He had been so stunned that the only  
thing he could say was that she'd picked a fine time to tell  
him. Voyager had rescued them just before the oxygen was  
completely depleted...........................  
  
Tom marvelled for a moment at the many times he'd  
managed to cheat death. He hadn't really realised how  
many times he'd cheated death until he'd begun this trip  
down memory lane.  
  
After avoiding each other for three days after they had been  
retrieved from the vacuum of space, he stopped her after  
Tuvok's promotion ceremony. He'd given her a chance to  
bow out, to be sure she had meant what she said. When  
she confirmed she had meant it, he was elated. Then  
B'Elanna had started to say that she did not expect him to  
return her feelings, and that they should forget the whole  
thing. He quieted her evasions by kissing there in the  
corridor. The Doctor's untimely interruption had allowed  
her to slip away before Tom could tell her how much he  
loved her too.  
  
He shuddered as he thought how close he'd come to losing  
her that same day. An isomorphic projection had put out a  
distress call. All the crew on his ship were dead. He'd  
neglected to say they were dead by his hand. He'd become  
quite unstable and had tried to kill B'Elanna as well. She  
was able to deactivate him permanently just in time.  
  
He and Do had worked feverishly to repair the damage to  
her heart. Fortunately, due to the Doctor's skill and Tom's  
able assistance, B'Elanna was given a clean bill of health.  
There in sickbay in front of the Doctor, she'd invited him  
to her quarters.  
  
They met later that evening. She had replicated a light  
meal for them. They talked about Harry and Seven,  
B'Elanna and the Doctor's experience with the psychotic  
isomorphic projection, and finally about them. They both  
wanted to pursue a relationship. She had wanted to keep it  
a secret. Tom understood her insecurities well enough to  
agree. They had also made love for the first time that  
night. It had also been that night he told her he loved her.  
The glow of joy in her eyes when he told her was  
something he would never forget for as long as he lived.  
  
Tom sighed deeply. It had been a marvellous experience.  
B'Elanna's shy admission that she was a virgin had caused  
him to hesitate and ask her if she was sure she was ready  
for the step they were about to take. She assured him that  
she was, and he had made love to her tenderly and gently,  
wanting her first experience with love making to be as  
fulfilling as possible.  
  
After that, they couldn't seem to get enough of each other.  
They did a lot of sneaking around, catching kisses on the  
sly, and even necking in the shuttle bay and in the Jeffrey  
Tubes. They thought they were being careful not to get  
caught. Unbeknownst to them, over half the ship was  
gossiping about them. Though no one dared mention it in  
front of them, as B'Elanna still possessed a temper to be  
reckoned with.  
  
Things got dicey when the aliens began their experiments  
on the crew. The Doctor had concluded that they had  
received their implants when Tom met B'Elanna in the  
Jeffrey's Tube. The Doctor's expression had let them  
know he hadn't appreciated Tom's fabrication of delivering  
a helm report.  
  
It made sense, Tom thought, that it had happened at that  
time. Otherwise, they would have never been making out  
at her upper workstation in engineering. Getting caught by  
Tuvok was almost as bad as getting caught by your parents.  
The lecture from the Captain had not been pleasant either.  
The only positive outcome as far as Tom was concerned  
was with everyone knowing about their relationship, there  
was not need to hide it.  
  
He smile as he remembered the dinner they had shared in  
his quarters when it was all over. First engineering had  
interrupted, then Harry, but at last they were left to  
themselves. That night had been another night of sweet,  
tender lovemaking.  
  
Another memory, this one no so pleasant, floated to the  
surface. When her violent thoughts,* held to be a crime on  
the Marie homeward, were to be removed with an  
engramatic purge, he'd almost lost his mind. He had  
begged the Captain and Chakotay to do something.  
Chakotay had been more sympathetic, and told Tom if he  
could come up with a reasonable plan, that he'd present it  
to the Captain for Tom. Fortunately, Tuvok's investigation  
had uncovered evidence of the true criminal just as they  
were beginning the procedure on B'Elanna.  
  
Tom had hated not being able to be in sickbay as the  
Doctor had treated her, but he had to take Voyager out of  
orbit of that damn planet. He still wished he could lob a  
few photons at them for the manner in which they had  
treated B'Elanna. Later, she joined him in his quarters for  
a quiet supper. He'd admitted hesitantly that he'd gotten  
her a gift. He quickly assured her that if she did not want a  
gift from the Mari homeworld, that he would understand  
and dispose of it.  
  
He smiled as he recalled her reply that what mattered was it  
was a gift from him, and she would not be upset that he'd  
gotten it on the Mari homeworld. She had loved the unique  
sculpture he had chosen for her.  
  
As he lay holding her in his arms, she slept ever so soundly.  
It was not the restless sleep that he noted the few times they  
had spent the night together in the past few weeks. He was  
certain she was on her way to recovering from the  
depression the loss of her friends had put her in.  
  
Later on, when they rotated on shifts, and he was working  
Alpha shift while she worked beta shift, it had gotten very  
hard to see each other. About the same time the strange  
aliens he still thought of as the dream land aliens, had  
nearly completely disabled all of them permanently. After  
that experience, they'd spent time on the holodeck in a  
Tahiti simulation. B'Elanna had chosen it. Since it was a  
private program for the two of them, she wore a very  
skimpy bikini. Just thinking about that adventure still  
made his pulse pound.  
  
Their relationship had gone on with no problems until they  
had gotten letters from the alien relay system. Tom was, at  
first, sure he would not get a letter. When one started  
coming through, B'Elanna had called him down from the  
bridge. He had been reluctant to go. His attitude had been  
lousy till he found out about her friends in the Maquis  
being slaughtered. He had comforted her the best he could.  
  
Tom recalled the sympathy she'd given him later that  
evening when his letter was lost. They had gone to  
Neelix's party, then back to her quarters. They simply held  
each other that night. Comforting and receiving comfort in  
the arms of the one they loved.  
  
He winced as he recalled the Hirogen taking over the ship.  
He could only remember the battle and coming to  
awareness in the World War II simulation. Seeing a very  
pregnant B'Elanna had also shaken him up considerably.  
Somehow that possibility had never occurred to him. He  
had never thought about her getting pregnant.  
  
Other things began closing in on at the same time. All his  
duties seemed dull and uninteresting. He had been doing  
the same thing for so long. Shore leave was a rare event on  
Voyager. He began to realize his life lacked challenge.  
  
In response to all that had happened since they had first  
encountered the Hirogen, he'd begun to retreat into  
himself. He had started spending hours on the holodeck.  
When the opportunity came to work on Steth's ship, he  
jumped at it. Somehow understanding what was wrong  
with Tom, Chakotay had given him permission to help  
Steth. Then, things all changed when Steth decided to  
change places with him.  
  
Tom smiled ruefully. Nothing like nearly losing all you  
had to make you really appreciate it. The time he and  
B'Elanna spent on the holodeck in his Camaro had been  
wonderful. They had finished making up in his quarters.  
He'd used quite a few replicator rations and replicated her  
a indigo blue gown made out of satin. He loved the way it  
looked on her. The color and fit were perfect for her.  
  
His mind continued to wander. He recalled the Demon  
class planet they had visited. Copies of the crew now  
existed on the planet. B'Elanna had been uncertain at first,  
but when she looked into the pleading eyes of the other  
Tom. Who had all the same memories and feelings her  
Tom had, she couldn't turn down his request. Later that  
evening in her quarters, they had talked further about the  
lifeforms that shared their appearances.  
  
He grimaced as he thought about the time they had spent in  
stasis. He hated the thought of it even now. Their last  
night, they had made love feverishly and passionately.  
Then, the next morning they had gone into stasis.  
  
After they were released, Harry's teasing made B'Elanna  
wonder why Tom was so nervous about being placed in  
stasis. She asked him about it later that evening in his  
quarters. He haltingly told her about how his father had  
accidentally locked him in a closet when he was three. The  
locking mechanism had jammed when his father had  
hastily tried to open it upon realizing Tom was still inside.  
It had taken over two hours to get Tom out. His father had  
felt really bad about the incident, and did his best to  
console and comfort him. The trauma from that incident  
had left him with a fear of small enclosed areas. B'Elanna  
had been so understanding........  
  
He felt anger at himself rise up. B'Elanna had been there  
for him, yet he'd been unable to help her. He took a deep  
breath to calm himself. He did not want to wake B'Elanna  
up. She desperately needed this rest. She was finally  
reaching out to him again and that was all that really  
mattered right now. She was willing to let him help her.  
He glanced down at her face. She looked so peaceful now.  
Her apathetic expression had seemingly melted away,  
leaving her expression just as it had been before she  
received word of the demise of her Maquis friends.  
  
He thought about the discussions they had over the  
possibility of going home when the message was  
unscrambled by the alien. She seemed very non-committal  
about the entire idea. In fact, when he thought about it,  
that was when she had begun withdrawing from him and  
from everything else she enjoyed. Not a complete  
withdrawal, but it had begun there. He now realized that  
going home, when all the Maquis had been slaughtered,  
had been more than she could cope with. When the ship  
turned out to be a ruse, she seemed almost relieved.  
  
Not long after that, they'd entered the void. They had  
begun playing game after game of Derata. Bickering had  
become commonplace. Tom saw her withdrawing more  
and more, and did not know what to do. When they were  
on the holodeck together, she chose the most physically  
challenging programs she could find. While safeties  
prevented serious injuries, they did not prevent them from  
feeling some pain from the Klingon painsticks. It hurt him  
to think that the times she'd gone to the holodeck alone  
she'd been running programs with no safeties on. The pain  
and injuries she had gone through were heart rending.  
  
Things did not improve when they left the void after being  
in it for two months. Now, he knew why. When she'd  
brought the report to him in his quarters, he'd hoped she  
would stay. He saw a longing in her eyes when she took  
his hands into hers. He was not certain, but felt she'd  
wanted to tell him then. Fear had won out over the longing  
and she'd left. He'd come to realize early on in the  
beginning of their journey that pushing her when she  
wasn't ready for something did much more harm than  
good.  
  
The discussion with the Captain and Chakotay had been  
difficult. He hated to admit she had not confided in him.  
The Captain had them go through her holodeck programs.  
Tom's heart felt so heavy as he saw program after program  
of high risk activities which had been run with no safeties  
on. Chakotay had assured him it was not his fault. They'd  
both agreed that Chakotay should be the one to confront  
her.  
  
He'd been so pleased when she joined them on the shuttle  
mission. If it had not been for her, they'd have never made  
it back alive. They had shared a quick hug and kiss, then  
after the probe was beamed from the shuttle to engineering,  
she and her team had gone to work on it.  
  
Finally, she had come to him. He was so happy that she was letting him  
back  
in. He realized how deeply it must have hurt her when he had shut her  
out.  
He vowed that from here on out, he would do his very best to never hurt  
her  
again. He stared at her lovely face. She was in a deep sleep. He  
closed  
his eyes and drifted off to sleep, knowing that he'd awaken in the  
morning  
with the woman he loved in his arms once more.  
  
  
  
  
Extreme Close Up Part 3: From This Day Forward  
  
Tom woke up first the next morning. B'Elanna was still nestled in his  
arms. He smile at the peaceful expression on her face. He was  
certain that she was going to be all right now. He resisted the urge  
to kiss her, not wanting to awaken her. She needed the sleep very  
badly.  
  
He lay quietly, watching her sleep as he had last night, While  
memories of her had coursed through his mind. She was the one he  
wanted and loved. He was so happy that she'd come to him last night.  
He had missed the simple joy of falling asleep with her in his arms.  
  
She began to stir in his arms, and slowly woke up. Seeing Tom's  
handsome blue eyes gazing lovingly upon her, she tenderly kissed him.  
As she kissed him, she felt the sweet joy of love and belonging begin  
to flood her soul. She wanted to make love with him. The physical  
encouters they'd shared in the past few weeks could not truly be  
called love making. It would have been more accurate to call them  
sex. For she had been in a quest to feel something as she initated  
the encounters. This morning however, she felt the glow of her love  
for Tom encompass her. She wanted the sweet, tender love making that  
they both knew so well. Her very soul ached with the love that she  
needed to express to Tom. He'd been so patient with during her  
depression. She wanted to let him feel her renewed love for him.  
  
"Tom," she whispered in a soft, gentle tone. "I want us to make love  
this morning." Her eyes glowed at him, expressing her love and  
feelings as her hands began to gently caress his chest.  
  
"B'Elanna," sighed Tom. "I want to make love with you so much." He  
paused, and tenderly stroked her cheek.  
  
She smiled and kissed him again, allowing her tongue to brush his lips  
enticingly. His lips parted and her tongue met his as their kiss  
turned into gentle, loving exploration.  
  
Her hands slid under his tee shirt and caressed his chest enticingly,  
causing him to groan. He slowly slid her gown up and off her body.  
They completely gave themselves over to each  
other....................................  
  
Afterwards, Tom replicated breakfast for both of them. They lay close  
together in bed, feeding each other pancakes.  
  
"Tom," began B'Elanna softly. "I don't want us to ever shut each  
other out again."  
  
He pulled her closer. "I don't want that to happen either, B'Elanna.  
I should have known something was wrong the way nothing seemed to  
matter to you anymore."  
  
She cuddled her head into his shoulder. "The only other time that  
I'd felt that lost and alone was when my father left me." She closed  
her eyes against stinging tears that threatened to pour out.  
  
Tom stroked her cheek gently. "The only way you'll ever lose me is  
when I die. With my track record for survival, that'll be a long  
time." He chuckled and continued, "Last night while I held you, I was  
recalling things that have happened since we were brought to the Delta  
Quadrant. I have been in more accidents than any other crew member on  
Voyager."  
  
She gave him an evil simle. "You need to be more careful all the  
same, Tom. If you aren't, I may just decide to go Klingon on you the  
next time you pull one of those dangerous stunts you're so famous  
for." She kissed him tenderly.  
  
Tom smiled, "Sounds like it could be fun."  
  
She poked him in the ribs. "I mean it, Tom. Your risky behaviors  
aren't that different from what I was doing on the holodeck. You  
don't have to *earn* the crew's respect, you already have it. You've  
saved us countless times."  
  
Tom blushed as the truth of her words sank in. "I promise you, my  
love, I'll be more careful in the future. Sometimes, though, I'll  
have to take risky missions, it's part of being a Starfleet officer."  
  
"I know," she answered softly. "I just don't want to lose you. I  
love you too much for that to happen."  
  
"I love you too, B'Elanna. I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost  
you."  
  
She kissed him again. Everytime Tom verbally expressed his love for  
her, she felt a glow of joy flood her soul. For so long, she feared  
that she was unloveable. Yet Tom, who could have his choice of women  
on the ship chose to love her. With his loving help, she knew she  
could face up to the loss of her friends. With him at her side she  
could do anything.  
  
The End.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
